Zzzzzzzzzz…….

A writer’s life demands that strict adherence be paid to application of derriere to chair, to the bulk of one’s day being spent in the active devotion to same.  I am one who was born with a burning desire to express myself and found in writing the most personal and meaningful-to-me way to do so, but also with a woeful lack of anything internal driving me to make something manifest through sheer dedication to hard work.  This changed the day something clicked in my head and my constitution simply refused to accept my current conditions anymore, which resulted in my losing 180 pounds in a year and three months, so I know I can accomplish anything I set my mind to do and by any means necessary… this just requires me actually doing it and staring down the apathy demons with my steely cold gaze.  Anyone who knows me would laugh to hear me say this, because I’m not known for my fierceness in one-on-one combat.  They do not know however the relentless tone of the one offering the scathing comments in my if I inch any closer to oneness with those demons. 

     Which brings us to the present hour, which happens to be almost five hours later than the time I had planned to get up after a short nap yesterday evening and hit my work hard, which is exactly what I’m doing now.  I was also responsible for waking my boyfriend up so he could do his own work- we’re both self-employed, he a web entrepreneur so can set our own hours but he also relies on twenty hours a day devoted to building his business.  And what did I do?  Let the tinkling tones on my alarm fade into the night while we both snoozed an extra three and a half hours.  Of course, we probably needed them but that doesn’t measure up in any way, shape or form against striking while the iron is hot.  But, I am here now.  Good morning all 🙂

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How to calculate weight-for-height

How to calculate weight-for-height

     This was a dilemma for me in choosing my goal weight- I’ve been familiar with the “5 pounds for every inch over 100” guideline since I was a teenager and knew even then that 130 for 5’6 was considered a little too far on the average side, the implication being that women should aim for a little smaller than that.  The fact is however, and one that I’ve tried to ignore for over 30 years that I am on the larger-framed side (wider shoulders and alas, calves) and that my ideal weight is actually closer to around 143.  I will admit that I too, aim for lower than that to give myself a little breathing room but I also know that at 140, my face and smile look their best (it’s a little narrow below that) and I also look and feel just as fabulous 10 pounds more than I am now.  Of course by the reverse token, women who are smaller-framed are advised that they should remove 10% from the established guideline, but some may prefer a more voluptuous (and equally gorgeous) 10 or so pounds over that.  Basically, the guideline revolves around knowing where you look and feel your best and aiming for that, and your body will tell you where that is. 

     I spent the whole of my tween- and teenage years literally trying to shrink into myself, slumping to hide my wide shoulders and miserably wishing I was petite. When I was in the 9th grade a boy in my class called me “big”, even though I hadn’t gained any extra weight at that point and I’m certainly not an amazon- this only reinforced the sense that I was unattractive and that there was no hope for me of being “normal”.  I then proceeded to spend the next 20 years taking “big” to a whole new level (this was on me, I certainly cannot give the insignificant remark of a cocky teenager that much credence), like a child breaking a toy they can’t have.  How much time I wasted spiting and punishing myself for my perceived “defects”.  These days, I’ve learned good how my wide shoulders look with my small ribcage and long torso, and my favorite feature is my long, slender arms.  In other words: we all have something that stands out and makes us beautiful- honor and celebrate yours too 😉

    

Don’t. Stop.

Commitment to excellence is worthwhile, including the trial and error that comes along with actually achieving it.  You can’t learn if you don’t make mistakes, and instead of becoming discouraged, use them as stepping stones to getting it right and accomplishing something of value.  Keep trying, no matter how often you slip up or your efforts turn out producing errors in and of themselves.  Don’t stop.  Never stop.  Stopping means stasis, and do you want to go back to where you were, feeling miserable, helpless and stuck?  Action moves you forward, no matter how many steps in retreat you sometimes feel it may be taking you.  It’s all part of the process.  One day you will look out and see you’re viewing things from a higher plateau, and that you’re seeing more of them, more clearly.  Your struggle will start to make sense, and you’ll find new reasons to pick them up again and aim even higher.  And don’t forget to give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back right before you do.

Knee jerk

Some knee pain after walking today, which actually makes me crave the next few day of working out those kinks and strengthening it. Unswerving dedication to a goal, daily executing the steps needed to be my absolute best tells me who I am and gives me a platform from which to nudge that bar a little higher.  Best antidote in the world to apathy- here, is solid ground. 

Observation

Relying on yourself independent of outside authority or approval involves building your own set of standards that you stick to because you are your ultimate authority and you only have yourself to answer to.  Having these guidelines gives you the comfort and stability you’d been seeking in other people and eliminates the quicksand of depending on others’ approval and guidance.  They don’t want to guide you, they’re busy enough figuring out their own lives.

Rather, title this “Learning…”

Breaking Good

     Not Bad- I had a luscious piece of Chicken Marsala pizza today and I am still remembering it fondly. Just one piece, so I can say I thoroughly indulged myself with none of the unease later. Less is definitely more in terms of enjoying something you don’t get that often.  Since losing weight I’ve learned how to treat and reward myself by trying new foods I can savor for the taste alone- for years I didn’t deviate from the basic food groups I was introduced to as a kid and such copious amounts of it it all ended up tasting like salty carbohydrates a la Willy Wonka’s blueberry gum.  Now, I don’t want to destroy the pleasure of my oddly, opened-up world of taste sensation, having cut so much of the volume out.

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News on the Mars One front!!

News on the Mars One front!!

I’m not only an exercise and weight loss enthusiast- I’m also a Mars One Round 2 candidate!!  And this press release means that things are going to start heating up big time, real soon.  Yours truly is going to be featured on TV, showing my mettle against other candidates to prove to the Mars One powers-that-be that I can handle anything the planet might throw at me.  From a physical fitness standpoint, I’ve got a leg up (so to speak) and the will to demonstrate how much I want this?  Well, I know how to channel that too.  Stuff’s bout to get real!

Savoring

Even though I might be considered a weight-loss “pro”, I am very often reminded of the myriad ways I haven’t even thought of yet to approach food.  A couple of these were brought up by my boyfriend recently when we were picking up some Subway sandwiches (Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki- *cue tooth-glinting smile*), and we started talking about how quickly I eat. Of course I was looking at it from the viewpoint of how slowly he eats but he mentioned what was still to me, unbelievably, a novel idea. “Do you actually taste what you eat? How long does the food stay on your taste buds?” I was brought up in rather lightbulb-going-on surprise and realized I still rush the whole process of eating, maybe because the tug of war between it and myself hasn’t fully left me yet. Food to me has remained something I enjoy immensely but am still in the unconscious mindset of being a consumer. I’d come to view it as something I need to wage supremacy over so I’d gotten in the habit of wolfing it down to get it out from in front of me so I could put my plate away and remove myself from temptation for another 4 hours or so.  I can think of everything else under the sun without food worming it’s way in when I’m not hungry, and even go for an hour or two longer once I am but I still have the niggling sense of having to put reins on.

One of the biggest tips he gave me was as simple as something to drink while I eat, to cleanse the palate and to slow the whole process down: chew slower, longer, take a minute or so between bites to attend to other things.  You can bring enjoyment of life to eating and not have that revolve around eating.  Not only are the bites I took following this foreign process so much better, truly tasting every mouthful but I’m getting full before I have to think to myself, “You need to slow down, maybe leave some on the plate.”  He taught me how to enjoy my food more and not to fret while I eat… perhaps the last shred of my former rigid self drifting away into naturalness. Thank you honey.